Spinning Wheels

I took a few minutes last night to read through my old postings. I think I needed to remind myself of what I am doing and why. I was feeling defeated. I have been feeling defeated. I am trying to define myself so hard that I so often forget to stop, breathe, feel. I have also been really hard on myself lately. Constantly looking at what is wrong and what needs to be fixed.

I posted back in January to remember that monumental moments in life are few and far between. My 20s have been filled with so much change that everyday I find myself perched on what the next big adventure will be. My eyes are open and I am poised, but nothing is happening and I am frustrated. PATIENCE. Again, that ugly word. that lesson that God is trying so hard to get across to me. I need to remind myself all the time that part of transformative experience is reflection. I can not jump from one major life event to another and expect no fall out. I need to slow down, to enjoy the company of others, to excel in my job because these are the things that compose my life.

I have been spinning like a top for the past 6 weeks and I needed someone to slap me and slow me down, make me recognize (again) that life does not happen on my schedule. And, that even if it did, what is the fun in that? The most beautiful part of all of this is the unknown. It is the scariest part for sure, but it is the heartbeat. It is what makes me breathless in the best and worst ways. In yoga the other day our teacher shared a line from Barron Baptist.. "If you look for the sh*t, you are going to find it". I have been looking for what is wrong and I needed the reminder to appreciate and be grateful for what is right.