Transient

As I pack up everything that belongs to me (which thanks to a complete closet overhaul now consists of one car load, 6 boxes and an 11 pound cat), I can't help but think about how this doesn't feel sad. I am not sure what my problem is, I have awesome friends here, I am leaving a wonderful man and people do shift work just to have the opportunity to be in this great city... and yet, I really dont have any second thoughts about leaving. Maybe in time I will look back and miss this place terribly. I don't know. The truth is that none of this ever felt real. I felt like I was living someone else's life. I have felt this way for a long time and I think I just now have the balls to admit it to myself. While this place has fed a great need of mine to come back down to earth, the most important relationship that I cultivated here was with myself. Maybe this place and then people in it served as a kind of detox for me. I feel strange saying that, as if it is some kind of an insult, but it is not. I needed each and every person, sight, smell, day and night. They all served a purpose in getting me to where I am. I just out grew it.

At home, every 17 years, we get swarms of cicadas. Big, nasty beetle bugs that sing a song that you can not escape all summer long. They outgrow their shells, leaving hollow reminders that they passed there and then continue on their way. I feel a little like that today.