Go forth and set the world on fire

In yoga the other day Patty challenged us... who am I kidding, she always challenges us, but this time it was a mental challenge and one that has seriously taken me to task. She told me that I was full of BS. That what I do is for other people, not for myself. That everything is "look at me, look at me". Love me, praise me, tell me I am worth it. Bitch was right. I can't stop thinking about it. She specifically talked about posting things on Facebook; pictures, stories, quotes. We are trying so hard to create and sell an image to others. I am trying so hard to create and sell an image to others and you know, it is that very creation and maniac selling that keeps me from knowing who I am. I can do so much more when I refocus my attention on knowing myself. It is a really scary thing to do, I think mainly because most people do not do it. Most people get caught in the spin and live within a box of what is normal and expected. My brain asks why, how and is there a better way. Sometimes I dont listen and then I end up shattered and broken and wondering what in the world happened and how did I let myself lose what I know and value about who I am.

It is so hard to detach from what is considered normal but I just dont see another way of achieving what I know I can be. I dont see another way of letting myself grow and learning about what is underneath. I'm scared but the thought is there. I need to roll the stone around in my mouth before I swallow it. I know there is a bigger story for me and I am at the edge looking in.