Meaning

My friend Christy posed a question over cocktails the other night that I have been thinking about for some time now; "Do you sometimes feel like your purpose on earth is to teach people things about themselves?" Yes. I feel this way all the time. My best friend and I joke that we have Florence Nightengale syndrome meaning that we pick the broken toys and fix them for the next girlfriend. The past two relationships that I have been in have been with addicts, and at the end of each of those relationships, the addiction was addressed and the man was restored. I dont have the illusion that this is solely because of me, but I do know that I changed their lives. I wonder if maybe that is why I am here on this earth, to not live entirely for myself, but instead to be a catalyst for change in others.

That is not as selfless as it sounds. When you change someone, it is enormously gratifying and gives a huge amount of affirmation. But I think I am getting tangled up in trying to solve the riddles of another soul while also trying to advance my own objectives. I rather like the idea of being someone who passes in and out of peoples lives, changing them and making lasting differences, even if I am not the one who benefits from them in the end.

I think we are all this kind of person for each other. I have also met people for a few hours, a few months, a few years who have singlehandedly altered the way that I look at the world. My friend Liz has been one of these people. She has changed the way that I look at love. the love between her and Mike is one that you can feel as soon as you enter a room with them. It is electric. I have decided that i would rather be alone than settle. I want to feel that feeling of souls being mixed. I want to be breathless when he walks into a room. I want to live in a world of big feelings, good or bad. Safety is what I needed after Nick, and now, something different.